It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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