Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
