Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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