i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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