I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
