i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
