All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So vagazzling was a success
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
