i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
