do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
