We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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