A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
