i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
