So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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