yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize