Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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