he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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