singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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