White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
