why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
