Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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