Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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