You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
