Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize