Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
