Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
