I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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