I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
