White coat. Heels.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
