i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
