I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
