whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
