i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
