I skipped work to stalk him.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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