The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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