Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize