I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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