using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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