Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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