There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
