Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
