Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
