seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
