I think I am morally bankrupt
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
