I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
