Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
What a dumb baby whore.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize