I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
