im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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