i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
only you would photoshop your dick
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize