your parents love me but you hate me
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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