What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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