I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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