Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
