You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize