They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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