I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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