get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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