Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
