one might say we're banned from that church
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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