And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
