I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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