I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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