you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize