He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
