Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
smell my finger.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
