i would punch a child for taco bell
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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